Dwarves, Assemble!
by Bookdancer
Summary: Kili is sent to the Avengers universe as a dwarfling, and the Avengers must take care of him until someone arrives to take him home. Thorin is going to kill Gandalf... Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, so I am extremely happy to be finished writing this. I've been writing it for the better part of about a week and a half in my free time in and out of school, so... yeah. It's probably the most time I've ever spent (actually writing and not just with writer's block) on... I dunno, about eight pages in my notebook? This will, however, be a two-shot despite it already being finished. I'll try to update tomorrow, though, and it may happen because this is a three day weekend for my school. If not tomorrow, then definitely by Tuesday. I hope._

_Anyway, I, personally, believe the beginning of this is the best part, as the rest kind of... spirals into Dialogue Drive. So yeah, the beginning is the best part. But you can still read the ending! Just because it's Dialogue Drive doesn't mean dialogue is the only stuff that lives there._

_I am also proud to say that I am the first person to publish an Avengers/Hobbit crossover! At least, I think I'm the first. I looked before I started writing this and nothing was there, but anything could have changed._

_I do not own The Avengers or The Hobbit (although I would seriously love to, as they're my favorite fandoms right now and Hawkeye/Clint and Kili are awesome). As you can probably tell, I love my archers._

_Hope you enjoy!_

Chapter One

It was a simple, sunny day in May. One that, for once, was villain free. Unfortunately, it was not Stark and Barton free, and the two were taking advantage of the unnatural heat by pelting people below with water balloons. Tony's usually missed, but Clint hit his targets with the startling accuracy he was known for. So far the score was 56:7 Clint.

Of course, the simplest of days are usually the most _un_usual days, and this one planned on being no exception. Which was probably why a portal opened directly above Tony and dropped a tiny figure on top of him.

Said tiny figure was, to the annoyance of the two men, wailing about as hard as he could, screaming something that sounded like 'Filcle Thowma!', but could very well be something completely different.

Tony let out a grunt as the little bundle hit him, bringing both to the ground as the figure's screams brought the other Avengers running. Clint, on the other hand, was laughing his head off – until he discovered that the bundle was a little, dark-haired boy about the age of four.

That fact sobered the archer up rather quickly, and he stepped forward to pluck the boy off the ground and hold him. Unknown paternal instincts quickly rose to the surface as the boy wrapped short arms around his neck and sniffled, quieting down almost immediately. The other Avengers gazed at Clint in amazement before turning to the young boy in their teammate's arms.

"Who are you?" Steve asked first, voice gentle.

"Kee." The boy replied proudly.

"How old are you?" Bruce asked next, moving to examine him. Kee seemed to ponder on this before flashing all ten fingers followed by another six. "No, Kee, how old are you?" Bruce repeated. Keep fixed him with a glare surprisingly scary and said, "Sixteen."

"There's no way the little squirt is sixteen." Tony protested.

Natasha thwacked him over the head. "We don't even know if he's human."

At that, the brown-eyed boy made a face and stuck out his tongue.

"He is not Midguardian?" Thor wondered, reaching out for the boy. Kee took one look at the man and, to the surprise of the others, his face lit up and he reached for the demigod. As soon as he was in Thor's arms he reached up and tugged the blond hair, a happy look on his face.

"Fee." He murmured. Kee's face suddenly crumpled and he began to wail again, screaming, "Fee!" over and over again, an occasional "Uncle Thowin" or "Mama" breaking in.

Thor held the boy out at arm's length, panic written all over his face. "What do I do?!"

Clint sighed and took Kee back, bouncing him a little. When that didn't work he snatched a water balloon from the bucket next to him and threw it with perfect aim at Tony's face. It splattered open and Kee stared, open-mouthed, at Tony before he giggled and then began to laugh.

"Out of everyone, you had to choose me." Tony grumbled, though he was smiling.

"Whatever." Natasha replied, leading the way into the tower from the balcony. "The question is what do we do with Kee?"

"We take care of him, of course." Steve replied. "He says he's sixeen, but that's obviously not in human years. I'd say he's about four, maybe even three because he's so small."

"Tony and I can try to figure out how to replicate that portal thing so we can send Kee back." Bruce offered. He shifted uncomfortably. "We'll have to run some tests, though."

Clint opened his mouth to tell him that no, they would not be running tests on the adorably little boy in his arms, but what came out was, "S***! Kee, stop struggling!", as said boy almost fell out of his arms.

At that, Steve reached out and snatched Kee from Clint, giving his fellow blond a reproaching look for cursing in front of a boy. Still, Kee continued to squirm, and finally Steve set him on the ground and let him go where he wanted to go. Which was, to the Avengers' horror, straight to Clint's bow and arrows, which he'd left propped up against a couch. And the arrows were _sharp_.

This time it was Tony who plucked the boy off of the ground, holding him close to seize the struggling. Kee stared after the bow and arrows mournfully, reaching out. Clint, who recognized the look on the boy's face as one he once had with his bow, chose a net arrow from the pile. At least it wouldn't hurt Kee if the boy accidentally deployed it.

"Let's turn that frown upside down." Clint teased as he handed the arrow to Kee. He could already tell that the boy would grow up to become an archer. And he may not end up using fancy arrows like Hawkeye did, but that didn't mean he couldn't spoil him.

Natasha rolled her eyes at Clint. Her partner could be such a softy sometimes, especially with kids.

Just then, a thump echoed from the balcony, and the Avengers turned to see a large figure – though it seemed to be smaller than all of them in height – on the ground, a portal closing above him. The figure rolled over and got to his feet, saying things in a strange language. The tone of voice let them know he was most likely cursing.

He was facing away from the Avengers, but as soon as he turned around they gasped and looked from the short but obviously muscular figure on the balcony to the little boy still held in Tony's arms attempting to twist around so he could see what was happening. The likeness between the two was uncanny, even with their differing ages. As soon as the figure had turned around he was strodding toward them, arms open in the classic 'give him to me' pose.

Instead, Steve stepped in front of Tony and Kee, putting hands out in front of him in the universal 'stop' sign. "How do we know you'll take care of him?" He questioned.

At that moment Kee managed to completely twist around and saw, to his delight, Uncle Thorin. Or, uh, Uncle Thowin.

"Uncle Thowin!" Kee cried.

'Uncle Thowin' gave Steve a smug look before taking Kee from Tony. As soon as he saw the arrow his face twisted in disgust and he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'tree shaggers'.

"Thanks you for taking care of my nephew." Thowin said. "I, and his mother and brother, are most grateful."

He stepped back out onto the balcony, and Clint gave a start. The man couldn't just take Kee like that and leave.

"Wait!" He blurted. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Thowin paused, a battle obviously raging in his mind. Eventually it was Kee who made the decision, a soft "Hungwy." making up his older doppelganger's mind.

"Just for dinner." He promised firmly. He hoisted Kee up further in his arms, obviously well practiced in carrying a young child, although seeming a little rusty. "You." He muttered to his nephew. "Are going to be the death of me." In response Kee let out a giggle and yanked on one of Thowin's braids. The dwarf grunted in annoyance, but let the dwarfling have it. "And I'm going to kill Gandalf as soon as we get back."

"So." Tony said, "What exactly are you? Kee-"

"What did you just call him?" Thowin interrupted.

"Kee. That's what he said his name is." Steve replied.

"It's a nickname. His real name is Kili." Thowin paused. "Did he happen to mention any other names?"

"Someone named Fee and Uncle Thowin, although we assumed you were Thowin." Bruce said, throwing his two cents into the conversation.

"Of course." Thowin muttered. He sighed. "Fee is his older brother, although his real name is Fili, and I'm Thorin, not Thowin. He can't pronounce his r's quite yet. And as for your question…" Thorin fixed Tony with a look that would make Fury proud. "… we're dwarves."

The Avengers, save for Clint (who was in the kitchen making dinner) and Thor, all gaped at Thorin, even Natasha. None of them had ever encountered dwarves or even heard of anything to suggest that they were real (except for Thor, who actually had met dwarves).

"Ah, so that is why you looked familiar!" Thor boomed. "Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, is it not? The last time I saw you, you were Kili's age!"

"How do you know who I am?" Thorin asked, alarmed.

Thor gave a warm smile. "I am Thor Odinson! Surely your parents told you of me?"

Thorin's face grew stony in response. "No. And I go by Thorin Oakenshield now. Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror."

The rest of the evening went by in an uncomfortable silence, only broken by Kili's occasional giggle at Clint and Steve, who made faces at the dwarfling in the hopes of getting a smile. Tony also joined in at times when Thorin's gaze wasn't on him. They were just finishing dinner when another thump echoed from the balcony.

* * *

_Okay, so my fingers apparently believed Thorin to be a member of Oin and Gloin's family, as I kept typing his name as 'Thwoin' and then 'Throin' instead of 'Thowin' and 'Thorin'. Bad fingers! I honestly don't know what came over them..._

_Anyway, who can guess who has just arrived?_

_And please review! I love hearing from my readers, and as this is my first Hobbit fic (even if it is a crossover) and... I think my fifth Avengers fic (second crossover), I really want to know what you guys think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, so first off, sorry for the wait. I know I said it may take a bit, and this is actually on time for me (it's taken me months to update before), but it was already written... Anyway, to:_

_everyone who reviewed, followed, and/or favorited- Thanks so much! I didn't expect to get more than a review or two as I'm opening a brand new fandom, and the response was great!_

_Reader- You'll see!_

_Anyway, this chappie is shorter than the other one, and, as I said before, you'll be entering Dialogue Drive. But there's a little surprise on the way! :)_

_I do not own The Avengers or The Hobbit, no matter how much I want to._

Chapter Two

_Previously on _Dwarves, Assemble!_:_

_The rest of the evening went by in an uncomfortable silence, only broken by Kili's occasional giggle at Clint and Steve, who made faces at the dwarfling in the hopes of getting a smile. Tony also joined in at times when Thorin's gaze wasn't on him. They were just finishing dinner when another thump echoed from the balcony._

"C'mon!" Tony groaned. "What is this, the Hotel for Dwarves?"

At that moment, a blond dwarf smaller than Thorin rushed in, two swords at the ready. Braids were threaded into his hair, beard, and mustache, and he held a worried look in his eyes.

"Fili!" Thorin growled. "I thought I told you to stay with Gandalf and the company. I was to fetch Kili."

"You took too long. "Fili replied. "... sorry... um, but where is he?"

Thorin grunted. "Gandalf didn't just send Kili... uh, here, he made him younger as well."

Fili gaped at the dwarfling his uncle held up for him to inspect. THere was no way... but there was. The younger dwarf lookd exactly like Kili had at that age. The same dark brown hair, same brown eyes, even the same cute little grin that screamed 'I'm an adorable dwarfling, love me and give me treats.'

"Waaaiiiit a minute." Tony said. "You mean he's not really four?"

"Well, no. Even at the age he is right now, he'd be about sixteen. But the age he's supposed to be right now is 77, about 18 in human years."

"And... who are you?" Fili questioned, gazing at the Avengers.

"I'm Steve Rogers, that's Thor Odinson, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, and Natasha Romanoff."

"Fili, son of Dis, daughter of Thrain, at your service." Fili replied, bowing down low at the waist.

"And now we really must be going." Thorin said firmly. "Thank you for your hospitality, Masters Steve Rogers, Thor Odinson, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, and Mistress Natasha Romanoff."

"No problem." Tony offered. "It's not everyday someone other than Thor eats all of my food, so feel free to come back."

Fili's jaw dropped at the new information. "You ate supper without me?!" He sounded so scandalized, the Avengers weren't sure whether it was considered a criminal offense for dwarves or not.

Meanwhile, Thor chuckled. "I had forgotten about dwarves and their appetites. Only second to a hobbit's."

One demigod, one super soldier, one doctor/rage monster, three humans, two dwarves, and one dwarfling headed to the balcony, where Thorin and Fili pulled out strange, identical devices. They simultaneously pulled a knob ad a blinking light appeared, followed by two portals opening above them.

"Need a lift?" Steve offered when he saw the height of the portals.

"Nobody-" Thorin and Fili began in unison before gazing back up at the portals. They were, unfortunately, at heights they wouldn't be able to reach. "Maybe a small one." Thorin admitted, shifting his youngest nephew in his arms.

Thor and Steve stepped forward, linking hands to form a small step up. People below were whispering and pointing, noticing the portals and the figures beneath them. Fili went first, taking a running start and bouncing with one foot into the linked hands of the taller blonds, who braced themselves and even added a little upward lift, flinging the dwarf into his portal. Said portal disappeared automatically with Fili. With Thorin, however, Thor and Steve were more careful, wary of the precious bundle in the oldest dwarf's arms. Said dwarf jumped without hesitation onto the linked hands, which, as they did with the first dwarf, flung Thorin and Kili into their portal.

* * *

Gandalf, Fili, and the company (minus Thorin and Kili) glanced around, waiting for another portal to appear. When it didn't, Fili raised his eyebrows at Gandalf.

"Where are my uncle and brother?"

"The device is not completely stable." Gandalf said, faltering at the look on Fili's face. "It is only guaranteed to work the first time. After that, well, Thorin and Kili may visit multiple other worlds before reaching here."

"But we don't know where he is?" Dwalin questioned, anger in his eyes.

"... No."

* * *

Thorin did, to his relief, land upright on his feet, still clutching Kili to his chest. As soon as he looked around, though, he groaned. Of course Gandalf's device would send him to another different world. He yanked the knob again and stepped through the next portal from the pine forest, breathing a sigh of relief when the large, white cat with black paws leaping at him was left on the other side.

* * *

Thankfully, it was only about twenty minutes before Thorin landed in a heap next to the company and Gandalf, a wide-eyed, de-aged Kili in his arms. Thorin staggered to his feet, an enraged look on his face. He pointed a finger at the wizard.

"I-" He snarled. "-have had enough. I encountered cats, stick-wielding maniacs, disappearing men, stone angels, man-hating girls, a paranoid bat as large as a man, a talking dragon, and that's just the beginning!"

Meanwhile, the dwarves (minus Fili), Gandalf, and Bilbo were staring at the small dwarfling clutching Thorin around the neck, familiar, dark eyes peering at them.

"Is that-" Bilbo began before stopping.

"Yes." Thorin growled. "Our brilliant wizard not only sent Kili to another world, he de-aged him, as well!"

"I told you I was attempting a spell and Kili startled me." Gandalf replied.

"But you can turn him back, right?" Balin questioned, obviously not wanting to deal with a small dwarfling at the moment.

"Of course." Gandalf replied, sounding scandalized. "In fact..." He chanted a few words, waved his staff, and suddenly Thorin was holding a fully-grown dwarf. Thorin grunted his thanks and displeasure, dropping his nephew to the ground.

Kili blinked his eyes open, looking up to see twelve dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard surrounding him. He glanced down to see he was holding a strange type of arrow. "... What happened?"

* * *

_Yup, so that's what happened! :) Was anyone surprised?_

_Also, this fic is now finished! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!_

_Please review!_


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